A win as rare as Bigfoot: Cafe offers food challenge
- by Guest Contributor
- May 16, 2024
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By Kevin Coolidge
Originally published here on NorthCentralPA.com
Area 51, Flat Earthers, the Moon landing — I enjoy a good conspiracy theory. That’s why I decided to investigate Conspiracy Coffee Co. in downtown Mansfield, Tioga County, in the Pine Creek Valley and PA Grand Canyon landscape of the PA Wilds. People have been whispering about it, and I had to see for myself.
The Conspiracy Cafe emerged from the shadows in late 2018. I first heard murmurs from patrons of the bookstore. I asked the owner, Thad Compton, why the “Conspiracy Coffee & Cafe?” It appears I’m not alone in liking conspiracies.
Thad has been interested in conspiracies since he was twelve. The Kennedy assassination, UFOs, Bigfoot. Most Americans — doesn’t matter if they are on the left or the right — have a theory that they hold to be true. Thad often feels he’s in the middle, but don’t we all?
I personally love the idea of Bigfoot. Is he real? I don’t care about the science. I love the stories. The rumors are that you can challenge the legendary cryptid, Bigfoot. Was I up for the challenge? For my birthday, my wife took me out to breakfast where I could partake in “The Bigfoot Challenge.”
“The Investigation Begins”
“The Bigfoot Challenge” is real. It’s a twelve-egg omelet that contains 1 cup each of ham, bacon, sausage, green peppers, onions, cheddar cheese, Swiss cheese with sauce on the side. You also must finish a side of home fries, four slices of toast, and a drink. I chose lemonade. I’d already had my coffee earlier that morning.
The challenge has been around since late 2019. Thad wanted an eating challenge. When researching challenges, he found most to be carb heavy with lots of pancakes and hashbrowns. He wanted a “protein bomb” and the biggest omelet in town. He succeeded.
The “Bigfoot Challenge” truly is a beast of an omelet. If you want to do the challenge, you have to call ahead of time. The cooks need time to prep, because creating this ode to cholesterol takes up the entire grill.
You have forty five minutes to complete the meal. Should you not finish, the challenge is $33.00. But if you do…the meal is free, you get your photo on the wall for bragging rights, and a T-shirt stating “I Challenged Bigfoot, and I Won!”
I entered confident, but not cocky. I’m not twenty-five anymore, but I know my way around eggs. Scrambled, fried, poached, boiled, I’ve eaten a LOT of eggs. They are easy to fix, full of protein, and tasty.
I had called ahead and told the staff I would be coming at 11 a.m. I was told there was usually a lull around that time, and I didn’t want to make life hard for the cook. It was packed! It was Mother’s Day, and graduation weekend at Mansfield University.
The hostess told me they could still accommodate me, but it would take a little longer than usual. While waiting for a table to clear, I eyeballed the wall of the victorious. Only eight have been deemed worthy to hang with Bigfoot.
“The Wall of the Victorious”
Fifty people have attempted this challenge, and only eight have finished it in five years. Would I be among them? A table opened up, and my wife and I were seated. My wife looked over the menu. I didn’t need to. I already knew what I was here for.
“The Plot Thickens with the Menu”
My wife ordered the “Breach of Contract,” a three egg omelet with four ingredients of your choice. There are even “miniature” versions of the Bigfoot Challenge with three or five eggs for those too afraid to take on the real deal.
No backing down for me. I was here to take on the legend, and there would be no substitutes. I placed my order. While waiting, I perused the room. I was hungry, and I was going to win a free breakfast.
The smell of breakfast made my stomach growl. This was going to be easy. I hadn’t had anything since supper last night. Ahh, here comes the platter holding the monster of an omelet. I unwrapped my utensils and prepared to do battle. It was bigger than I thought.
“The Bigfoot Challenge”
I was famished. I could do this. The first bites were delicious. The bacon was done just right. The sausage was flavorful. The peppers and onions gave the dish balance. The sourdough bread had crunch. I was off to a great start.
My plan was to eat the protein first. The carbs would take up a lot of room. I started with great gusto, but twelve eggs is a lot. I had to break it up with the home fries, and the bacon was salty. I needed the lemonade to quench my thirst.
Twenty minutes in and I was making solid progress. The home fries were gone, I had half the toast eaten, and probably two thirds of the omelet eaten. I could do this. I still had twenty minutes left.
“Mid Challenge…Going Strong”
The cafe was a little cool when I entered, but no more. I had removed my favorite sweatshirt. My wife hates that shirt. All guys have that shirt their wife threatens to burn. That ugly gray sweatshirt is mine. Sweat was beading on my forehead. My wife was already done with her brunch. I usually eat faster than my wife, but there were soooo many eggs. I started to slow down. I still had ten minutes left, and I was going to need every one of them.
I finished the toast. I was so thirsty. I finished the lemonade. I kept pecking away at those eggs, but my stomach was full. I just didn’t think I could do it. The hostess let me know I still had five minutes left. Could I do it?
I could not. It was time to concede defeat. I turned fifty-five this weekend, and I no longer have the appetite of my youth. I have never asked for a doggie bag before today. I won’t be asking if they have a desert menu…
Read more from Kevin Coolidge — also known as the Blue Collar Bookseller — in his column on NorthCentralPA.com.
About the author, Kevin Coolidge:
Kevin Coolidge is the owner of From My Shelf Books & Gifts in Wellsboro. When he’s not working, he’s writing. He’s also a children’s author and the creator of The Totally Ninja Raccoons, a children’s series for reluctant readers. You can find The Totally Ninja Raccoons and other books from Kevin Coolidge at his PA Wilds Marketplace storefront here.
